Just a Week!!!

This time next week I suspect that I will not be checking Facebook, Twitter or doing much of anything else.  Hopefully I will have had successful bladder surgery and will be sleeping.  That's right bladder surgery. Not what you want to share with everyone but hey it was going to come out in Wikileaks so I thought I'd get in front of it. 

It's not how imagined the Holiday Season even four months ago but living is always a surprise.  I should be fine I'm told but just in case there a just a few things I want to make certain I write down.

I don't if know if there has ever been a more blessed person than me.  I should be dead but I'm not.  That Joy, my spouse, is still in my life and we're still in love and still are making plans is a miracle. Our two adult children, Lesley having a smashing good time studying in Glasgow, Scotland and JD winging his way back from New York as I write this are simply the finest young people we know.  That is a major statement.  We know a lot of extraordinary young people.

We've had challenges over the last couple of years and sometimes it looked bleak but it always seems to work out.  I lost my job over a year and half ago and haven't had but one interview for a new job since then.  But that free time gave me a chance to work with the courageous people of Telling Our Stories and make a video that I never would've made.  I'm very proud to be part of this ongoing journey led by the Very Reverend Ed Hansen and hope that once I get past this surgery and one more (not as bad) can again help share our collective stories to all.

I am very grateful that Joy has a good job that she likes and works with people she really can appreciate.  It now provides Health Insurance for (right now) all four of us.  It has become literally a life saver.  We're paying for it but the alternative would be unsustainable for us right now so again I count my blessings.

We had to give our cars up this summer and it really sucked.  For a while, Congress couldn't decide whether or not to fund unemployment and when they did it was too late.  Joy and I have got use to using the city's Metro system.  It's not ideal but then again we are not contributing as much for our nation's insatiable appetite for oil and we found a really good book series (Decker/Lazarus Crime Novels) that help us escape during our bus rides to work or to Doctors and tests.  I wasn't always getting the best news from doctors for the last few months and reading is a reparative diversion for the soul.  Again no matter how I look at it I'm blessed.

Right now the news from Doctors is very promising. This surgery should do the trick and just like everything else it will be far behind me soon.  As you get older time seems to go faster because no matter how you count it there's probably less of it in front of you than there once was.  So I expect time to keep on fleeing and that's fine.  It really is a quantum blessing and I have no idea what that means.

I've been cleared this week for surgery and I've been told recuperation might take a while. With that in mind I wanted to make certain I write this.

Have a great Holiday Season!!!!!

Love and Peace to everyone,

Marie Fairman

Personal Blog Stardate - 313738.53

Here is my Wishlist for Stardate -313981.98.

1 - Complete repudiation of the Republican attack on President Obama in the mid term elections.

2 -  Meg Whitman losing despite spending additional 50 million dollars in the last three days.

3 - Carly Fiorina losing her race to incumbent Barbara Boxer and then finding work oversees sorting used hypodermic syringes with needles (gloves not included - actually frowned upon).

4 - Allow Craig Mortensen and Central Asian Institute take command in all manners regarding Pakistan and Afghanistan.

5 - The male members of the Democratic Leadership grow a set of balls and take on their adversaries like they actually exist.

6 - Repeal DADT.  Really.

7 - Make Marriage Equality a reality in all fifty states.

8 - Simaltaneous power outage of CNN, MSNBC and FOX News along with all the major broadcast networks starting at stardate - 313836.68 and lasting until stardate -313839.76.

9 - Bring back Better Off Ted on a network that will let it be itself.

10 - Civility be a employable position.

If you can help with any of these outrageous and utterly foolish dreams thank you.

A wistful trekkie,

Marie Fairman

God please HELP US! I Could Be a TV Commentator!!

We've finally got there.  Anyone can be a TV commentator.  It might be on YouTube or their own website or just a low resolution video attached to an email but EVERYONE can be a commentator on TV!!!  You don't need an education.  As a matter of fact that might be a hindrance.  If you do have an education you should ignore it.  Especially if you're a baby boomer.  Forget all you've learned from living through Viet Nam, race relations, the peace movement, Watergate, women's liberation or Woodstock.  Instead plant your head firmly up your ass and then try to talk.  What comes out will be crap but that is evidently what advertisers (especially heterosexual males with ED) want to associate themselves with so you will likely succeed!!! 

Ignorance now is truth.  What you don't know should not intimidate your right to free speech.  Go ahead and talk.  Make it up as you go along.  Go off on tangents and never return to the point you started.  Just yak and whatever you say will become the new truth and that will go viral.

What a heady time for stupid people.  Finally they are getting compensated for their lack of education and unwillingness to work.  It's almost a miracle that so few with so limited an idea of humanity should lead a humanity that is losing its humanity.

Glen Beck says the President of the United States is a racist.  Who knew?  Rick Sanchez on CNN sent his intrepid reporter to the Abbey in West Hollywood when Prop 8 was overturned.  You don't know what the Abbey is?  She's our favorite character on NCIS!!!  And how about when a little white girl goes missing?  Will we ever get enough coverage?  Not possible.

On Cable News you can't overreact to a story.  Look into the camera  and say, "Breaking News!!" and then say, "Let's check in and see if there's is still oil in the Gulf."  There was oil in the Gulf BEFORE the spill.  You can't go wrong!  Go with the visceral images and loop those image again and again and bring in anybody who has ever heard about water or oil and talk endlessly over the images.  We never will know when the spill in the Gulf is over. Great job!!!

News is now a montage of images both real and real looking and it doesn't matter which is which.  Whatever gets you ratings is what's important.  Go with you gut.  The bigger the better.  Addle your brain with drugs and alcohol.  Just keep going like an Energizer bunny!!  But don't use lithium!!!  It could bring you down man.

I want to join in!!!  I have an education (supposedly) but its mostly in Theatre so it was always suspect as to its real world worthiness.  But I  do have some improv skills and watching the terrific troupe of improv artists/anchors in cable news (with special props to Fox News) and listening to them on talk radio I am empowered to try this myself.

I am empowered but I just don't have the balls (literally) to do it.  I'm still in awe of the great pretenders and I'm not sure I could keep bearing false witness with such fidelity.  I know someone would call me out and I would crumble.  These people don't!!  If anything they get more bold and make up new stuff.  My admiration for them is without reason. It just feels wrong and I know then its must be inequitable.

Keep it up you morons of the media. Whether your ideology is left or right or nowhere because to have principles is just too confusing, keep up your asinine dialogues and monologues.  Mutual masturbation is always fun for someone.

GAY PLAYING STRAIGHT

In a recent article written by openly gay columnist Ramin Setoodeh, Mr. Setoodeh asked the question, "Can the public accept gay actors playing straight roles in theatre, television and film?"  He pointed out the Tony nominated performance in Promises, Promises of Sean Hayes and several other actors on TV and film.  Of Mr. Hayes's performance Mr Setoodeh wrote in part, "...his emotions often seem pale to the point of colorlessness...his relationship with his costar Kristin Chenoweth feels more like that of a younger brother than a would-be lover and protector."

Can the public accept gay actors playing straight roles in theatre, television and film?  My answer is a resounding yes. Most gay people have been playing straight in a much tougher venue for several Milena.  Life.  I'm sure Mr. Setoodeh has played this intolerable role and pulled it off quite well.  It is good to live in a time of revelation where many people can feel free to be themselves.  The LGBT community is enjoying the option to live openly as a person with gender variance.  I'm one of them as a transgendered person.  But with that openness comes consequences.  Not just the obvious backlash from the straight community often armed with their few Bible quotations but a more insidious and ultimately destructive force.  The shame of an openly gay person being gay.  I have seen this too many times in my life.  When LGBT individuals stand up and let the world know they are gay, they may find support in the LGBT community and close friends, but that is simply not enough.  

When you announce to the world such a statement you reject all you believed at one point to be true.  You can only live the new lie for so long without it affecting you.  You have stated that you are gay and proud to be so and I do not doubt for one moment that is what you believe.  But loving yourself, after stating this to the world, is hard to do especially when you have been told all your life that you can't.  Repeatedly I have seen gay people create a new persona that is not them but a protective shield from themselves.  When you are in this place of self loathing and self detachment you may say and do things that are destructive not only to yourself but also many others as well.  I fear that Ramin Setoodeh is suffering from this.  He is lashing out not at Sean Hayes or any other gay actor but himself.  Perez Hilton does the same.  Their words and actions are the manifestation of their own denial that they don't love themselves because they are gay and other gay people should suffer the same false notion about themselves.  

First of all, let's getting something straight and I know this to be true. God loves you as you are.  You are created by God as you are and there is nothing that can change that.  Accepting this is impossible for many gay people but it simply is the truth.  Once you know that it is true it doesn't matter what anyone says or does. You are allowed finally to love yourself.  Do you have to find a faith community to have this realization?  No. But you do need some people that can represent all orientations, station and status to reflect this for you to see your own worth.

Gay actors playing straight roles has been going on for the same time as gay people playing straight in real life.  I can't tell you how many thousands of times I have had to endure straight actors playing straight characters supposedly hopelessly and passionately in love with each other and simply failing with every syllable, kiss, embrace and other nuance of their lifeless interpretations.  As a director I have likewise known that one or both actors are gay and they have been viscerally real in their portrayals as straight lovers.  Perhaps the problem for Mr. Sedooteh is that knowing some performer is gay and  not being able to allow himself to see them as anything but gay.  That is sad but this will pass.

One of the magic qualities of performance, be it on stage, TV or film or whatever medium is coming, is that we as a audience watch it with our own prejudices and pre-concieved notions.  That contributes to our enjoying or being repulsed by it.  That's not going to go away or should it.  But when we allow ourselves to suspend disbelief and let ourselves get lost in the fiction that enfolds in front of us we can be rewarded with enchantment.  That alchemy is what elevates the rare performance to the exalted level of art.  

At some point (perhaps a near future generation) a child will know from the very moment of their own consciousness that they are what God has made and it is good.  We all will reflexively honor and respect this even in ourselves.  We must hasten that day.  Till then we need to get lost in the fiction.


With hope for healing in us all,


Marie Fairman

Insomnia? May I recommend Nova

I've had trouble sleeping most of my life. And when I have fallen asleep it is not always in the most appropriate setting.  I have drifted off while listing to a director give me notes after rehearsal (he didn't notice thanks to one of my fellow actors responding), in mid sentence as I sit at a restaurant eating, while sitting on a toilet and while cooking.  This last one was before I actually turned on the stove but still...dicey.  After I had my heart attack I was told I had to sleep with some consistency or I would..ah what was the word the Cardiologist used...oh yeah...die.

Now with a combination of a prescription and a good book, I can turn my brain off and fall asleep.  But sometimes I need a little more encouragement to bring me to the repose I so desire.  I choose not to turn to more drugs but instead a rather curious way to put myself in sweet slumber. I turn on an episode of Nova.

But how can that be you might ask?  Nova is one of the finest representations of non-fictional or reality television show ever produced anywhere. I unequivocally agree. The subject matter is always informative, timely yet timeless and so beautifully photographed that on a large HD screen it can take your breath away.  The content is presented in a well thought out and meticulous manner with attention to detail and accuracy that is unmatched. The viewer can follow seemingly incomprehensible, complex issues in a way that are accessible to even the most impenetrable among us.  They take you to another world the same way a great book can.  The one thing they don't do is intrude with off the subject commercials during the presentation. And that's when the miraculous happens.  I believe as the show continues uninterrupted, somewhere I find the portal to drift off to dreamland.  

The lack of commercials is the key most certainly.  Did you ever notice that the commercial blocks (especially on FOX!!!!!) are LOUD.  Sometimes much LOUDER and that's saying something if you're watching something like 24. You may dismiss it but its true.  All broadcast entities that have advertisement have the volume turned up to "11" during these breaks.  Any show, no matter what the genre, during the show's content, will have moments of stasis and some quiet however brief.  A 21st century commercial block has a thirtieth of a second between each ad, announcement or promo.  It is this random series of disturbances that I believe keeps me awake.  Even when its recorded and I'm whizzing past these pods of information, it's still a break and  my mind and body are engaged.  How can you sleep when you're blasted with, "ANIMATION DOMINATION!!!!! "

Nothing like that ever happens when I'm watching Nova.  Not even when the subject concerns CERN and its massive particle accelerator.  When watching Nova I am a passive participant and I have only to sit back and do nothing.  I relax and allow myself to be completely absorbed.  Put me in a bed with lots of pillows propping me up and securing my head and the mix is as effective as any prescription non-addicting (yeah right) sedative. If I watch it live it happens around 822pm and I make certain that the TV turns off before the show is over. If I do wake up I'm still embraced in that state of grace which assures a quick and certain return to blissful sleep.

This phenomenon started years ago with the hypnotic voice of George Page on Nature and the late Carl Sagan when he narrated his seminal series Cosmos.  About the third time he would repeat the phrase "Billions and billions of star stuff" I was snoring on the couch before the second "B".  I have never been able to remain conscious for a Nature episode that George Page has narrated.  Even the one on dogs.  

I now record Nova, Nature, Masterpiece Theatre etc. and when I can't sleep I find one of them on my "Do Not Delete" list, hit the play icon and they are my calming voice.  Sometimes they are such great shows I do become fully engaged and don't fall asleep until it's over (I'm finding this happening more and more with Jane Austen presentations [could be the estrogen]) but even then I am as a consequence in a serene state of mind.  My mind is thinking about the great show and it questions and issues and not fretting about all the myriad of things that are swirling in my head as I come to the end of a day. Instead I can drift off with images of the elusive Higgs particle, a skeletal representation of a cheetah and how they are built a certain way that enables them to catch the impala or what's up with Mr. Darcy?  Really?

Maybe it's just me and it won't work for you.  But I thought I would share with you this modality to unconsciousness.  Not only do I sleep but I believe I'm more informed on many subjects that have seemingly no consequence in my life.  But then again, you never know having the knowledge that we now know that 95% of the universe of made up of mostly dark energy and  some dark matter and we don't know what that is exactly nor have we really ever seen it, could help me when I'm doing say... my taxes.  It's nice to know that even the smartest and most learned people don't know things.  

So thank you PBS and viewers like you and me occasionally that bring such high quality shows that challenge my intellect (which is easy to do) and bring rest to this weary soul.  Ah Sleep.  The Sweet Escape (Gwen Stefani not withstanding).

Republicans are funny

Republicans are funny. They don't mean to be but they just are. It was great to be a Republican until quite recently. Think of it. To have all those years in this century when you could look at yourself in the mirror and say proudly, "I'm as smart as the President. Dare I say, dear God, I am smarter." But now they're back on the heels because a much smarter person is the President. They are not his intellectual equal nor will they be and more importantly to people of the U.S. and the world, they can't explain their cause like he can. They've been talking dumb for so long and with impunity, that being challenged to think is doing them in and it's sad but it's also quite funny. I must stop laughing. They need help and guidance. But like an alcoholic they need to stop themselves first. Underneath their fear and posturing, there are some very smart Republicans who could really help. But they have to help themselves first. Until then we should grin and bear it.